Ghost

Have you ever felt a sense of being watched, even in an empty house or while wading through a river? You glance over your shoulder, expecting someone or something to be there, only to find nothing. Was it a shadow or a peculiar-shaped cloud diffusing the sunlight as it passed overhead?

Even stranger, waking up from a nap and having a vivid memory of a dream flood your senses. It could be someone from the past, not necessarily someone you were close to, but they were there. In crystal clarity, it was a minor event that, in passing, flooded back to what could have been a lie-changing moment. An event so insignificant that it seems odd that a different decision would have altered your life. It might have been a brief conversation that ended in being interrupted and quickly forgotten. Parting words were “we’ll talk later,” but later never came.

I’ve stood in a river, feeling the cold water embrace my wader-clad legs, and in an instant, I was in a daydream, wandering in my mind to someone or something that happened decades ago. I understand that our minds and subconscious work in mysterious ways. Tugging and pulling at our memories brings them into what we perceive as reality, thus creating the stuff of dreams.

It’s difficult to say that we make all sorts of minor choices throughout our lives. Some are good, some are bad, and some are inconsequential. Given a chance, we wish we could relive and change the bad ones and lean harder into the good ones. However, good or bad are subjective, and interpretation varies from person to person. Over time, bad decisions can become good ones, and vice versa.

Paddling my canoe across a quiet Adirondack pond in the quiet dusk, with only loons as company, I sense past companions with me. I can hear their breathing and the sound of their paddling behind me. With only the sound of our paddles, the glide of the canoe, and the water dripping from the edges on every stroke, I must admit that I might be daydreaming. But what a wonderful daydream it is! I can sense companions long dead, and their presence haunts me. I am haunted by ghosts.