I’ve come to a groundbreaking conclusion about humanity, one that will surely earn me a Nobel Prize in Sociology, or at least a free latte: there are exactly two types of people in this world.
Type A: The Rule Followers. These are the proud, clipboard-carrying souls who read every instruction manual from cover to cover before so much as opening the toolbox. If IKEA made a 400-page novel about their bookshelf, they’d read it twice, annotate the margins, and probably host a book club to discuss Chapter 7: “Proper Use of the Allen Wrench.” Type A folks lay out every screw, washer, and tiny wooden dowel in neat little rows, like they’re preparing for a military inspection. They are the human embodiment of, “measure twice, cut once.”
Then there’s Type B: The Rebels. They look at instructions the way cats look at vacuum cleaners—with suspicion and mild disdain. Why would they read a manual when they have instincts? Directions are for the weak, and besides, how hard could “assemble crib” really be? These are the people who will proudly build the thing backwards, discover they have 47 leftover screws, and call it “modern art.”
Within Type B lies a very special subset: The Improvisational Engineers. These are the folks who assemble first, panic later. They muddle through like confident toddlers with a new puzzle, and when the final product wobbles like a baby giraffe on roller skates, they declare it “good enough.” If it collapses—say, hypothetically, a crib in which an actual baby had been intended to nap—they immediately blame the manufacturer. After all, it couldn’t possibly be user error.
The world, my friends, is divided cleanly down this line. Type A versus Type B. Manuals versus mayhem. And if you’re wondering which type you are, ask yourself one simple question: Did you read this essay’s instructions first?
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